I wish I could manage my life better. I wish I could get to a point where I’ve achieved some sort of mastery over it. Things would be so much more automatic and easy. When a child gets upset about something, I would quickly come up with the solution. When my marriage hits a bump, I would intuitively know how to handle it. Even though it may get complicated at times, I could still overcome challenges with work, schedules, and responsibilities. It would be so wonderful to know that whatever happens, It’s okay, I’ve got this.
God began to encourage me to show up and be present for my Grandma, even when that was the hardest and most painful thing. Loving someone with no guaranteed love in return? HARD. Realizing the disease she now possessed would eventually overtake her little by little everyday, and there’s nothing you can do to help her? DOUBLE HARD.
I am a skilled fence builder. Over my lifetime I have built many of them. One fence to conceal my insecurities, another to hide my fears, yet another to mask my imperfections, one more to cover my shame. I spend much time and energy maintaining these defenses; I must ensure no one sees in. But neither can I see out.
“Am I a well or a wedding band?“
This was the question the Lord asked me as I dreamt one night. Though seemingly straightforward, this simple question has become infinitely richer upon further contemplation. It has corrected several of my misconceived notions about God and revealed deeper layers of His character and love.
“Are you a well or a wedding band? “
I woke up in the morning after a full night of vivid dreams. Though the events of the dreams were still fresh in my mind and seemed full of significance, this one question stood head and shoulders above it all. I knew the moment I heard the words that it was God Himself speaking to me and as a result of the utmost importance.
Growing up, I loved everything French. I took two years of French in high school, loved French food, and, aside from Italy, France was THE place any artist should visit. However, I had never actually been to France. So when the opportunity came to visit Paris last fall, I knew I couldn’t pass it up.