I wish I could manage my life better. I wish I could get to a point where I’ve achieved some sort of mastery over it. Things would be so much more automatic and easy. When a child gets upset about something, I would quickly come up with the solution. When my marriage hits a bump, I would intuitively know how to handle it. Even though it may get complicated at times, I could still overcome challenges with work, schedules, and responsibilities. It would be so wonderful to know that whatever happens, It’s okay, I’ve got this.
Sometimes I feel like a wreck: my emotions are out of sync, my thoughts are overwhelming, my default parenting kicks in, and I keep treading along hoping that I have enough initiative and strength to pull myself out of my mess.
God began to encourage me to show up and be present for my Grandma, even when that was the hardest and most painful thing. Loving someone with no guaranteed love in return? HARD. Realizing the disease she now possessed would eventually overtake her little by little everyday, and there’s nothing you can do to help her? DOUBLE HARD.